Monday, November 9, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Drink on an empty stomach during a recession: Considering the current economic climate, everyone is trying to find ways to cut corners. Lots of people have ideas on how to save money, but only this idea saves you money in two ways. By not eating, you save money on food. And by getting drunk faster, you save money on alcohol. This is a rebuttal to boom-time 'Trickle Down Economics,' i.e. the belief that you drink after eating a lot, at which point only a little alcohol will trickle down through your full stomach and you'll last a lot longer. In times of recession, if you're not schwasted by 11:30 and in bed by 12, you're going to be in the red financially. You must act fast, there's no time to waste!
Posted by Luke at 4:23 AM
Saturday, November 7, 2009
I am proud to announce a new feature of the blog: Luke and Sam's Best Idea of the Day. Each day, we will narrow all of our ruminations down to one particularly brilliant thought and publish it for the benefit of the reading public. And the non-reading public, assuming they have reading friends. Luke and Sam's Best Idea of the Day was introduced a few weeks ago, here are some of the past entries:
Fuhk Wieners: OK, this one doesn't really help anyone but ourselves, but that indirectly benefits everyone because this is how we'll make our first six million dollars. Ladies and gentlemen, let us introduce you to the future of hot dog chains, Fuhk Wieners, coming soon to a location near you. Possible slogans: "Not the Wurst!," "Come to Fuhk," "Nothing's Better than a Fuhk," "Aacht oobenstein Fuhk!" (in tribute to our German roots), "Put it in Your Mouth," "Always Time for a Wiener," "Fuhks for the Whole Family," etc. Seriously, this is some revolutionary shit.
But Fuhk Wieners is built more than a business plan. Some of our highlight delights:
-The Plow (our three foot wiener)
-The Dirty Sanchez (our chili dog)
-The Menage a Trois (two dogs, one bun, your mouth)
-The Un-Kosher Dog (corndog)
-More are on the way!
Naturally, Bryce wanted in on this great idea, he threw out some suggestions which I "forgot." Anyway, we did give him the positional status of "Junior Wiener," or as I prefer to abbreviate it, "JuCock."
Toothpaste is the most essential toiletry: Discovered while traveling around Europe. Think about it, toothpaste is the only one you need. You can put it in your hair, you can use it as soap, you can brush your teeth with it. It smells good, it makes you feel fresh. Try brushing your teeth with soap or conditioner or shaving cream. If ever in a situation where you can only afford one toiletry, toothpaste is the easy choice...in fact, it's a good money saver in general. Please note: putting this one into practice led us to discover it can dry kind of white on your face, so make sure you can wash off the residue.
Bending the straw into the lid of a drink: Say you get an iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts. You have two enormous problems to contend with:
-people might ask you for sips
-people are spreading germs EVERYWHERE and your straw is sitting wide open, waiting to get virus splashed when someone coughs or sneezes or breathes
Both of these can be solved by bending the straw into the drink. No one's going to ask for a sip from the kid who bends his straw...once a straw is tainted, even the biggest mooch sees that as off-limits, I SWEAR. Again, this is based on real-life experience, and these are HUGE IDEAS, really revolutionary, oh say can you see level mindgasms.
We should reignite the Cold War: Sam and I are doing our part by writing a letter to Mr. Obama, you can do yours by being really mean to the Russians. One night Sam and I were staying in a hostel and we had an early flight the next morning, but these really loud, obnoxious Russians kids hung out in the room all night, playing really loud music, and eating lots of pickles, and farting like animals. These kids had gas every twenty seconds!!! It's because their diet is salami and vodka!!!! Should we have told them to be quiet?...NO. Let me throw some facts at you:
-Ivan Drago (obviously Rocky beat him, but I'm talking about the real person who played him and is still alive, not the fictional character, duh)
Who knows if any of these three monsters were behind the baboons in our room? Remember what James Bond said, don't bring a knife to a gun fight! Anyway, we barely got any sleep that night, thinking about the stench still makes me nauseous. The music they played was HORRIBLE. Anyway, Sam and I got to thinking...FUCK RUSSIA. Seriously, it's on bitches. We're gonna Bay o'Pigs your assssssssssssssssssssssssss$(#*%adjshf
All of this leads us to yesterday's best idea of the day, which helps to explain the lapses, even though we've been on this mission for two weeks: don't get so drunk that you forget your best idea of the day. This was our revelation yesterday. Have a designated sober person (probably a girl) who is responsible for remembering your idea or carry a notebook (in your pocket obviously, don't look like a dweeb). Otherwise, these gems will disappear into the ether. Seriously, the ether is chalk full of great ideas, while down here we've got "Wife Swap" and Russia. Doesn't really seem fair. However, from now on, we pledge to dutifully post our best idea every day. Luke and Sam OUT.
Posted by Luke at 4:41 AM
Sunday, October 4, 2009
SERIOUSLY, I AM NOT JOKING WITH THAT TITLE. FUCK YOU B----. I WILL GIVE YOU AN EXAMPLE OF WHAT I MEAN...LIKE WHEN THERE WERE PEOPLE IN OUR ROOM JUST NOW AND HE SAID (IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY): "LUKE, WASH THE DISHES." WHAT DID I DO? I WASHED THEM, WITH SOAP, BUT WHAT WAS I THINKING? (F--- YOU B----!). THAT IS WHAT MADE ME REALLY MAD BUT THIS HAS BEEN BOILING OVER FOR A WHILE, I HATE TO SAY IT BUT YOU CAN'T TRUST SOME PEOPLE TO BE COOL IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE AND I SWEAR I THOUGHT BR--- WAS MY FRIEND BUT HE REALLY ISN'T, IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE HE TURNS INTO A TOTAL JERKA--!!!! AND IT RUBS OFF ON HOW PEOPLE VIEW ME. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO MAKE FRIENDS IN DUBLIN WHEN HE IS MY BALL AND CHAIN, EXCEPT I THINK HE ACTUALLY HAS MORE FRIENDS THAN ME WHICH MAKES IT WORSE!!!!!1 LIKE I SAID, PEOPLE CAN'T BE TRUSTED, YOU THINK THEY CAN, THEY SAY TO YOU: "YOU CAN TRUST ME, LUK-" BUT SECRETLY THEY CAN'T AND FUCK I'LL SAY IT, I MISS MY FRIENDS FROM HOME! FUCKKK YOU B---E AND FUCK YOUR GLASSES THAT THE LADIES LIKE SO MUCH AND FU-- YOUR SHOULDERS THAT THE LADIES LIKE SO MUCH AND FUCCCCK YOUR P---- THAT I SAW ONCE ON ACCIDENT THAT THE LADIES PROBABBLY LIKE AS WELL!!!!!!
Today, the New England Patriots, my favorite team in the world, play the Baltimore Ravens, who are NOT my favorite team but have been ranked as the No. 1 team by Peter King of Sports Illustrated. Now get this, since I became a Patriots fan in 2005, they have not won a SINGLE Super Bowl. We even went undefeated in 2007 until the championship, making us, I think, the unluckiest team in sports. Seriously guys, all I want is one!
Anyway, I dreamed the Patriots will win 9-3 but I actually predict a score of 20-13 (low scoring, I know). If Joe Flacjacket and Willis McGay and Ray Lewis beat us, then I will have trouble falling asleep tonight!
Posted by Luke at 3:56 AM
Friday, October 2, 2009
Last night was one of the funnest nights I've had since I came here. First, we pregamed in our room. I thought it was only going to be a few people, but it ended up being alot, which was actually really fun. We were rocking the iPod speakers and people were dancing and having fun. My one complaint is Bryce kept changing the songs I picked, even though I was choosing ones that everyone would like. Didn't want to say anything to him about it though, I'm trying to be a cool roommate.
Anyway, after that we went to Copper Faced Jacks, which is my favorite spot in all of Dublin. They play great music and it's crazzzy how many people there are there. Yesterday there was even a live band playing lots of good songs like "Smells Like Teen Spirit" and the Green Day one. We danced our asses off and I had a Bulmer's, which is fast becoming my favorite drink (judge all you like).
Finally, the songs that didn't make the Cudi album were released yesterday. Already heard most of 'em, but there are some new ones too: http://www.datpiff.com/KiD_CuDi_The_Demo_Tapes.m69402.html
Posted by Luke at 6:02 AM