Fuhk Wieners: OK, this one doesn't really help anyone but ourselves, but that indirectly benefits everyone because this is how we'll make our first six million dollars. Ladies and gentlemen, let us introduce you to the future of hot dog chains, Fuhk Wieners, coming soon to a location near you. Possible slogans: "Not the Wurst!," "Come to Fuhk," "Nothing's Better than a Fuhk," "Aacht oobenstein Fuhk!" (in tribute to our German roots), "Put it in Your Mouth," "Always Time for a Wiener," "Fuhks for the Whole Family," etc. Seriously, this is some revolutionary shit.
But Fuhk Wieners is built more than a business plan. Some of our highlight delights:
-The Plow (our three foot wiener)
-The Dirty Sanchez (our chili dog)
-The Menage a Trois (two dogs, one bun, your mouth)
-The Un-Kosher Dog (corndog)
-More are on the way!
Naturally, Bryce wanted in on this great idea, he threw out some suggestions which I "forgot." Anyway, we did give him the positional status of "Junior Wiener," or as I prefer to abbreviate it, "JuCock."
Toothpaste is the most essential toiletry: Discovered while traveling around Europe. Think about it, toothpaste is the only one you need. You can put it in your hair, you can use it as soap, you can brush your teeth with it. It smells good, it makes you feel fresh. Try brushing your teeth with soap or conditioner or shaving cream. If ever in a situation where you can only afford one toiletry, toothpaste is the easy choice...in fact, it's a good money saver in general. Please note: putting this one into practice led us to discover it can dry kind of white on your face, so make sure you can wash off the residue.
Bending the straw into the lid of a drink: Say you get an iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts. You have two enormous problems to contend with:
-people might ask you for sips
-people are spreading germs EVERYWHERE and your straw is sitting wide open, waiting to get virus splashed when someone coughs or sneezes or breathes
Both of these can be solved by bending the straw into the drink. No one's going to ask for a sip from the kid who bends his straw...once a straw is tainted, even the biggest mooch sees that as off-limits, I SWEAR. Again, this is based on real-life experience, and these are HUGE IDEAS, really revolutionary, oh say can you see level mindgasms.
We should reignite the Cold War: Sam and I are doing our part by writing a letter to Mr. Obama, you can do yours by being really mean to the Russians. One night Sam and I were staying in a hostel and we had an early flight the next morning, but these really loud, obnoxious Russians kids hung out in the room all night, playing really loud music, and eating lots of pickles, and farting like animals. These kids had gas every twenty seconds!!! It's because their diet is salami and vodka!!!! Should we have told them to be quiet?...NO. Let me throw some facts at you:
-Putin
-Ivan Drago (obviously Rocky beat him, but I'm talking about the real person who played him and is still alive, not the fictional character, duh)
-Russia Limbaugh
Who knows if any of these three monsters were behind the baboons in our room? Remember what James Bond said, don't bring a knife to a gun fight! Anyway, we barely got any sleep that night, thinking about the stench still makes me nauseous. The music they played was HORRIBLE. Anyway, Sam and I got to thinking...FUCK RUSSIA. Seriously, it's on bitches. We're gonna Bay o'Pigs your assssssssssssssssssssssssss$(#*%adjshf
All of this leads us to yesterday's best idea of the day, which helps to explain the lapses, even though we've been on this mission for two weeks: don't get so drunk that you forget your best idea of the day. This was our revelation yesterday. Have a designated sober person (probably a girl) who is responsible for remembering your idea or carry a notebook (in your pocket obviously, don't look like a dweeb). Otherwise, these gems will disappear into the ether. Seriously, the ether is chalk full of great ideas, while down here we've got "Wife Swap" and Russia. Doesn't really seem fair. However, from now on, we pledge to dutifully post our best idea every day. Luke and Sam OUT.
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